i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
