Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
