Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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