All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
