Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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