I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
