Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
