i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
