That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
