If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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