I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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