Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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