True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
