youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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