I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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