the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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