I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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