I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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