haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
