This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
