Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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