apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
ttyl tear gas
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
