she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
