It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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