Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
