We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
