sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Still dying that you shit outside
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
