you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
