pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize