I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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