dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
