My hair reeks of homosexuality.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
