I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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