I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
