i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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