You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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