There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
