Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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