I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I party with great urgency now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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