I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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