Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
