if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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