Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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