I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
