How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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