the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
