we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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