You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
