Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
