He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
