Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
