Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
my liver is dry heaving
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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