It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
