he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
