I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
