Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
