I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
