I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
