I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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