If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
