i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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