he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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