I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she told me i tasted like america
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
