I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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