After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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