Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
