dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
