So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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