Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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