Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
