i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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