sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
