I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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