if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
