U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize