I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
