I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
