I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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